Overcome the Victim Mentality: Putting an End to the Drama Once and For All

Overcome the Victim Mentality: Putting an End to the Drama Once and For All

If there were one way to completely simplify the journey of self-empowerment and spiritual awakening, we could boil it down to this:  The presence or absence of that thing we call “drama”.

It is not our place to judge, only to understand and accept.  The ones that can do this will also be in place to offer their blessing and compassion.  Those of us, who have been successful in making progress on our path of becoming more successful, or more spiritual, seem to have a built in alarm system for things like complaining, self-pity, excuses, justifications, and cynicism.  Once we have overcome (or at least greatly pacified) the victim mentality, we see it for what it is, and can spot it in a person a mile away.  It could be nothing more than a vocal tone, a short story in which one sees themselves as the helpless recipient of unwarranted persecution, or the desire to find common ground in negativity, rather than joy or gratitude. 

It is very helpful and important indeed to limit the amount of time spent in the presence of those that are still severely entangled in victim consciousness, and yet, at the same time there is something that is very important for us to understand. 

One of the biggest traits of the victim mentality, the hallmark of it all, is that thing that Carl Jung called “projection”.

Projection is such an interesting thing.  It is certainly something worth studying and understanding, and keeping in the forefront in your mind at all times in your thoughts and interactions with other human beings.  This is where the esoteric truth of Oneness goes toe to toe against the egoic mechanism.  Within this clash, Truth, which can only be experienced and not intellectualized or thought about, will reveal itself and the path of genuine compassion, coupled with understanding of the spiritual realm, can become attainable. 


What exactly is projection? 

It is the ego’s absolute favorite tool of self-deception.  The mind has such an amazingly sneaky way of disassociating with its own attributes and traits, the ones that you hate the most, the ones that you have an incredibly hard time accepting that you have.  This could be anything general or specific.  It could be something simple like the emotion of anger.  Or it could be something very specific, like, the tendency to become violently depressed when the different flavors of ice cream in your banana split melts together. 

Though the mind can do a great job at fooling you to disidentify with certain unwanted traits or characteristics, it cannot make these traits or characteristics disappear.  Being unresolved and not integrated in your consciousness, they are still present.  So, in order for the mind to keep these things from being associated with itself, it must push them out into the exterior world, onto other people.  So, the anger that one has not come to terms with in their own life, is experienced in another person.  The impatience with children that the mother, who wants to be a good person cannot come to terms with is all of a sudden seen as the father’s attribute, or the older son’s.  Or, the tendency that the one person has to devalue other people’s emotions gets flipped around and they experience their own emotions being devalued by others.

 So, I’ll ask you now to take stock of yourself in this context.  What traits, attributes, beliefs, prejudices, or opinions do you have deep within yourself that you have not yet come to terms with?  Are you seeing a pattern reflected out into your interactions with others? 

The REAL way to spot these projections is through your emotional reaction to them.  Of course, not every “negative” thing that you perceive in others is your own projection.  But when it is your projection, there’s one dead giveaway:  It really pissed you off; really throws you into an emotional funk, really bothers you.

When someone is just acting out their own stuff, stuff that you’ve already processed and integrated in yourself, you can just let them play it out with an understanding and a sense of patience.  It doesn’t push your buttons.  It might snag you a little bit, but you can quickly get over it.  On the other hand, when you perceive YOUR OWN issues in other people, it will really bother you.  This is because you have not yet come to terms with these issues.  You have not accepted, integrated, and learned how to handle these traits, attributes, limitations, or whatever else this content may be.  So you want it to STOP and get out of your experience, because it still scares you.

Perceiving your own issues in other people, learning to be aware of this tendency to project, overcoming it, or at least understanding it, is the act of becoming whole again. 

This is bringing the dark side of your own nature into the light of consciousness.  When you can learn to catch yourself projecting, you become a “shadow boxer”.  You battle with your own shadow and eventually win.  In the process people and your interactions with them, become your most valuable tool in seeing your true self. 

We are all One.  Truly, each one of us has within us the full range of human darkness and light, misery, benevolence, love, hate, victim mentality, and empowerment.  We will always perceive all of these traits both inside of us and in our external world as long as we are dualistic beings.  The issue is not of “making the bad stuff go away”.  It is to understand it, accept it, put it within the correct context.  In doing so, compassion and Love spontaneously arise, and the victim mentality is unable to survive inside of your consciousness.


So why have I focused so much on projection in an article titled “Putting an End to the Drama Once and For All”? 

Because the victim mentality is the ultimate act of projection.  In the ego’s struggle to keep you ignorant to the fact that you are the complete author of your own experience, that your mind is overwhelmingly powerful in its ability to create, it places the weight of responsibility for all the circumstances of life outside of itself.  The external world and other people become the ones responsible, instead of the creative power of your own mind, your own thoughts, your own attitudes, actions, and beliefs.  You’re just the unwitting, powerless victim.  It’s everyone else’s fault.  If only ______, _____, and _______ were different, THEN you could be happy.  If only _______ (insert person’s name) would just stop being _________ (insert how this person is by nature) THEN you could stop being unhappy, powerless, persecuted, etc. 

It’s a vicious cycle.  And the worst thing about it?  It takes a LOT of effort to maintain the victim mentality.  The reason being that your mind truly is incredibly powerful and you know it.  Your mind is the creator of everything.  Even the most dramatic victim knows this deep down inside, and the only way that this illusion of not being responsible can continue to fool a victim is for them to constantly look for more reasons to be the victim.  Without being aware of it, people are SEEKING out reasons to be the victim.  Anything they can do to run from the awesome creative power and responsibility that they hold. 

Because victim consciousness is such a denial of the true power of the mind, it will actually flare up when the threat of evolution or increased self-awareness presents itself

But keep in mind that this whole mental emotional fiasco of projection, seeking out drama and ways to perpetuate the victim mentality is completely unconscious.  Obviously people are not aware that they are doing this.  And believe me you cannot snap them out of it by telling them that they are.  This only adds fuel to their fire, and gives them another way to project blame on to YOU.  The only way, and I mean the only way, for someone to put an end to their victim consciousness is for them to choose to do it themselves. 


So how does one escape all this? How to overcome the victim mentality?

Especially if they have been entangled in this habit for so long that it has been their reality for as long as they can remember?  There is only one way.  YOU MUST ACCEPT 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE.  Everything.  

I can say this in an article, but I can’t tell you how many times I have made this point to someone I was genuinely trying to help in person, only to be met with the fury of all fury.  How dare I say that YOU are responsible for the most painful situations that have happened to you in your life!  You didn’t ask for ______ to happen to you, it’s not your fault that so and so did _______ blank to you. 

Understand that I am not BLAMING anyone.  I not saying it’s anyone’s FAULT.  I’m saying that you are RESPONSIBLE for it.  Obviously you did not consciously ask for anything unpleasant to happen to you, but your mind is one hundred thousand times deeper and more mysterious than any of us are consciously able to fathom.  The part of our mind that is creating reality is not conscious.  We are not consciously able to watch how the creative process really works.  So, what I am saying is that, though you don’t know why, thought you don’t know how, the vast, mysterious, unconscious part of your mind is manifesting these things into your life.  Yes, other people are manifesting their half as well, but they are not RESPONSIBLE for your experience.  

If you truly want to put an end to the drama in your own life, you have no choice but to look at it with an uncompromising sense of responsibility.  It has to be 100%.  Not picky choosy.  You can’t say “I’m responsible for this, but not this.”  It HAS to be everything.  

Practice thinking this thought when faced with a drama, or something that appears to be someone else’s fault:  “I don’t know how I’ve created this.  I don’t know why I’ve created this.  I would’ve preferred that I didn’t create this.  But I did.  This is my creation.”  By simply acknowledging your power in this way, you melt the victim consciousness.

But there is another thing you must do.  You must completely, impeccably deny yourself the luxury of self-pity.  Self-pity is the worst thing someone could ever do for themselves, because self-pity is the affirmation of being helpless, powerless, small; a victim.  If you are taking responsibility, then there’s no room to pity a small poor little self.  There’s only room to accept what is going on as a larger, mature, powerful self, and move towards understanding and taking action to create it more in your favor the next time.

So, yes I understand that what I am offering as a solution to ending the drama in your life may not be something that most people are willing to do, but the solution is there. 


In summary:

-Become conscious and aware of your own projection

-Accept 100% responsibility for the creative power of your own mind

-Disown self-pity once and for all.  Be uncompromising. 

So what to do when interacting with others’ drama?  Like I’ve said, I wouldn’t count on having any luck trying to make them become aware of their projections, or their perpetuation of their own victim beliefs (even though it may seem so plainly obvious that it puzzles you that they are not aware of it.).  In my opinion, your only option is to offer them your own silent blessing and compassion.  Getting involved in their drama, or putting your energy into their game of self-pity will only hurt both you and them, as you adding your creative energy to it will increase its manifestation. 

Though I don’t recommend having “pity” or “feeling sorry” for them, you can still have compassion.  The compassion that comes from the understanding you gained from once being in the struggle yourself.  Pray for them, or use a clearing technique like Ho’oponopono.  You would be wise to distance yourself from them, for your own good, and don’t count on them understanding at all.  Perhaps the day will come that they overcome this as well.  Until then be loving, keep your heart open, but be sparing in your energy.  It will never help you or them to waste energy in illusions and pain.    

Pain, powerlessness, disharmony, hurt, and misfortune ARE illusions.  And all will come to and end in time.  Until then, enjoy the ride!

To the continued awakening of the consciousness of the human race.  And to you, the forerunner of this awakening,

-Ashton A.


Add yours
  1. 5
    Sean Phillips

    I have a question: Since it’s the vast mysterious unconsciousness that is causing one’s misfortunes, would that not mean that one is still powerless against it? One cannot see it, so one cannot combat it.

    • 6
      Ashton Brainwavelove

      Hi Sean,

      That is a good question. I would say that we are not completely powerless against our unconscious mind, as even though we cannot directly access it, or see exactly what it is doing, we CAN learn to be self-aware enough to trace the lines of what happens in our conscious mind back to where it comes from (unconscious patterns) and also use our conscious mind to make changes to the unconscious as well. It is not ever a simple, quick fix, but this is what real growth is all about in my opinion, and where brainwave entrainment can come in handy 🙂



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